Hello everyone,
I am writing this because I feel I am at my lowest point. I am a single mom of three, ages 6, and twins that are 1 and half. Thier father is no where in sight has not called or has even asked to see his kids. I am left trying to do this all on my own. As if the three kids wasn't enough to keep me busy, I also work and go to school full time. I feel that the Lord is rewarding my kids dead beat father. He always seems to have someone to help him get through his lonely nights, pay his bills, and he can go and do what ever he wants to do. I dont think that its fair. He has not payed his child support and right now I am trying to figure out what I can do to get some money so I can put gas in the car so I can get to work. It is really frustrating. I have pawned all I could. borowed from who I could, I've done payday loans, I have even figured out that as long as I have a dollar in my debt account I will be able to fill up my tank. I am at my wits end. Why does the Lord reward thoose who don't take care of their responsibilities. And here I am every day trying to do something for me and my kids, not just sitting on welfare. And yet we struggle more. why? I am so angry and frustrated with the Lord, he did tell me that this wasn't going to be easy, but come on. I am so stressed I take it out on my kids I am constitantly yelling at them espacially my 6 year old. I know that yelling at them doesn't help the situation but I dont know what else to do. They are constatenly into things as soon as my back is turned. and my 6 year old doesn't seem to understand a word I am saying to him, I have to tell him to do one thing several times just for him to do it, and then he winnes about it. I love my kids , their the reason why I get up in the morning. But dear Lord why cant I have help. I really dont have any reliable friends, and my parents help out only once in a while. So I dont have a support group that I could turn to. I try to convince myself that one day our situation will improve. and the Lod did promise that he will be with me. But why cant our lives be perfect now, why do we have to go through all these hard times. Last month I was struggling to put food on the table, this month I am struggle to get to work and school so I can put food on the table I see no end to this cycle. WHY?